How to Look Good in Zoom Calls in Under 5 Seconds
If you’ve had the privilege of working from home these last few months, you’ve already figured out the major upside to quarantine: looking wrecked 24/7. Whether that means skipping makeup for the first time in years or wearing your hair in a greasy bun for days or just not showering for longer than society deems appropriate, you’ve probably explored the depths of how much you can really, truly let yourself go and still do your job effectively. And that’s great! That’s magical! That’s a shining pro in long list of cons! ...Or it would be, if freaking Zoom didn’t exist.
Listen, Zoom, I know you mean well, but you’re completely ruining my goals of looking like a dumpster fire on days when I just wanna let it all buuuurn. There’s no hiding your choices when you’re forced to confront them during a 45-minute video call. And although I’ve found that a blast of dry shampoo, some quick braids, and some face-obscuring blue-light glasses help me look more human, sometimes I feel like my pale moon face needs a bit more.
And thus I have devised a two-step, very simple, not-at-all-brilliant trick to making me look more awake/alive/clean, and it involves blush, bronzer, and a very low bar—because, just a warning, this shit won’t look that great in person. Or, really, anywhere that isn’t a low-res, video-conference screen.
- Turn on your webcam, whether that’s Zoom, Photo Booth, whatever. You’re going to be doing your makeup in your webcam, not the mirror. Your computer’s camera tends to wash you out and flatten your face, so you need to see your handwork in real time to get the full effect.
- Grab your bronzer and a big fluffy brush (or, like, any biggish brush. Again, we’re not going for perfection here). Swirl the brush over your bronzer, tap off the excess, and blend it across your cheeks—where you’d normally apply blush—then over your nose. Load up again and blend more bronzer over your temples, around the edges of your forehead, and across your eyelids. If your face barely looks different in the camera, you didn’t apply enough—do it again.
- Get your blush, and with the same brush (or a different brush—again, nothing matters in quarantine), blend it across your cheeks, nose, eyelids, and around the edges of your forehead. Load that shit on like a tipsy college girl whose Uber just arrived. Go, go, go!
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